Yeah, so maybe it was my birthday a few days ago

But when you're about a hundred years older mentally then everyone else in the state and might look (FOREVAR) 23, there's really no point in celebrating. I didn't realize it was Sept, though.
"You hit me with a salami!"
"That was you?"
"YES! O^O"
"Well, you shouldn't have been in my FUCKING tree!"

My birthday salami got ruined.

MY BIRTHDAY SALAMI GOT RUINED FUCK

QAQ

Anyways.
Remember how I said travelling was going to start a few days ago?

I LIED.

We're probably going to move out today or tomorrow. I would've gone earlier, but....

Well.

For one, Sept tried to kill me. She "didn'tmeanit!" of course, but that makes no difference when you've got a knife to your throat.

So I kinda, uh, nearly shot her in the face. I was out of bullets.

CLASSINESS LEVEL OVER 9000 RIGHT HERE

She was a blubbering mess after that; and really, I don't blame her. So we went to get some cat food, which (can't believe I'm saying this) took a while because the Proxies in our area were out pet shopping.

THE PROXIES.

IN OUR AREA.

WERE PET SHOPPING.

I don't even have to swear. Relaying the situation alone gives it justice.

So we didn't end up paying for the cat food. Just sorta booked it when the knives came out and one of the idiots was so startled that he fell into a fishtank.

.____________.

Honestly. They are reaching new heights of incompetence. It's actually really funny hilarious pathetic.

Are they so bad everywhere else? I doubt it. I've never really gone into this, but let's just say that as an Agent, I was... pretty high up there in the ranks. He knows that if he sends his best people, I'll just kill them. So we're getting bottom of the barrel, and it's getting annoying.

All fun and games until the Unspeakable Monstrosity shows up, right?

Expect us, Pussyfoot. 

(And I have to admit, the cat is cute. Almost feel bad. ALMOST.)

... I don't like this. Something feels... wrong. Off. It's been bothering me since the database was changed. Maybe the nutty professor will have some ideas...? I don't know.

It's nice not to be alone in the house anymore.

DID YOU SAY SOMETHING I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING

ANYTHING

Hm. Wonder where I'll get my guns and ammo now. It'd be nice if there was a... service for this type of shit. FFFFFFFFFFFT. Stalked, being couriers? Yeah fucking right. They'd have like seventy casualties in the first year! 

I can fucking see it now; the "fearless" leader with the dark and horrible secret, the little sissy boy, the newcomer, the badass, the guy with other guys in his head, the doc, and the swearing chick who smokes a pack a day because who cares about lung trouble when SLENDY is after you?!?

How about describing every seven-man-band in existence, Tom. Uhg. Not in the mood. Got to get packing.

Oh, and Sept? Want to help me BURN THIS HOUSE DOWN?

Expect the unexpected, folks. Now, it won't be a good day unless I singe off half an eyebrow...

--Tom